When Russ and I found out we were pregnant in 2002 we told the world as best we could, before social media gave us a microphone. We've never been super shy about what's going on in our lives so our community knew we'd been struggling with infertility. I'd venture to say word of our pregnancy spread quicker than it would have since so many were praying for us.
And then we miscarried.
I remember where I was standing when a friend stopped and said, "I have some babies in heaven, too" and then walked away.
I remember getting a card in the mail from an acquaintance that only said, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28."
I remember these two instances because they caused more pain than comfort.
I wanted the first friend to stop and talk. To share with me what it was like to move forward, missing her babies and celebrating her other children. I didn't want to get over it. I wanted to wallow in it a bit, honoring what had been lost. I wanted the second person to offer a relationship, to help walk me through the fog while pointing to truth. Not just throw a verse on a card and send it. I needed support. I needed a rich meal and all that was offered was a saltine cracker.
In 2011 an acquaintance who decided to place her newborn for adoption asked us to consider it and we said yes. This time using our social media microphone, we told the world our great news.
And then that ended.
I remember dear friends letting me live at their house for days while I fell apart. (Russ was in China on business at the time)
I remember a dear friend writing a note with a lot of profanity attached to a bag of thin mints and leaving it on my door, calling later to chat.
I remember a friend taking me to lunch to talk through it.
I remember emails from dear friends full of scripture and their stories and their hearts.
I remember being carried through that deep grief.
In both losses, I remember specific moments of being carried and other moments of feeling alone; moments of knowing I couldn't get through that day without that person's help and days when I felt isolated in my pain.
It is because of this that I'm excited for the world to know about a new ministry I've been humbled to be apart of creating.
Need to be carried? Need to know how to carry another? This is the place for you.
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