Monday, January 3, 2011

Trusting the "No."

This is pretty timely given this time of year lends itself to self-reflection.

2010 hasn't been my favorite. For multiple reasons. Yes, there's been lots of good, however, I'm happy to start afresh this weekend.

Although if I were being mature and positive-attitude-ish I'd say this year was a great opportunity for growth. And if I were Britney I'd say I'm stronger than yesterday.

Looking back, I might categorize this year with the phrase, "Trusting the No." I'm making t-shirts, actually.

Specifically (yet still vague, how do ya like that?) we've had several opportunities to Trust the No in regards to building our family. I'm not sure if this is the case w/ other families in our situation but we seem to keep having the occasional potentially-life-changing email grace our inbox.

The email or phone call typically goes something like this, "Russ and Katie, {filler stuff about how big eliot's getting, blah blah}, Hey, not sure if this will amount to anything and I hate to get your hopes up but I have a friend who's pregnant but has decided to give the baby up, thought of you guys, details details, call me if you're interested." This year we've had 4 of these opportunities or some version of the same offering. Baby/Kid needs a family and we thought of you.

Obviously, none of these have amounted to anything for our family. For whatever reason, it remains as is.

{SCREECHING STOP! Please know I am FULLY aware of how blessed I am to have the husband and child I do. I'm taking them for granted. They are 12 kinds of amazing, this I know.}

That's 4 times Russ and I scramble to have a huge talk about what to do, what this would mean for Eliot, our family, etc. That's 4 times we've decided "yes" and been told "no." Some of those have ended within days, some have dragged on a couple weeks. We rarely share these with family and friends anymore. No need to invite people onto our roller coaster of crazy.

Ideally we enter into each of these holding the dream lightly not tightly but every time the "no" happens, it's disappointing. Sometimes worse than others, of course. I'm all like, "Lord, whatever you want, whatever your will is, whatever's best for this kid and our family" while mentally planning our next family photo shoot and picking out paint colors for the nursery.

And if I'm being really honest *cringe* there's more than one negative "test" in the garbage this year. More No's.

All that to say, we do this to ourselves. We put ourselves out there knowing the risk is 50/50 that it won't happen. And we're okay with that.

And if nothing else, I can look back on the last 10+ years of us pursuing our family-building, there's been a majority of No's with one very important Yes. That Yes not only makes me trust all the No's but find them comforting. If wounds from a friend can be trusted, then how much more can I trust the God that created me and this family. He's got this.

So, here's to 2011. Hoping for a Yes somewhere in there but trusting if there's not.


janel. said...

I love you so much!
YES you are amazing.
YES I am so blessed to know you.
YES great things are coming because
YES God is so good :)

The Giffen Family said...

Thank you for this perspective! I could learn a thing or two (or 12) about trusting the "no's" and holding hope for a "yes"!

Sara D. said...

I love everything about this post. Hope you guys are well...I feel like it's been A LONG TIME since I've seen you. And even then, it was only for 3 minutes at the Harvest Party. Maybe dinner in 2011?

.Kate. said...

I can SO relate to this. Not in the "our friend of a friend has a baby and we thought of you" kind of way (cause that has never happened to us), but in the "should we or shouldn't we? should we or shouldn't we? ok Lord, we will!!! what do you mean the answer is no???" kind of way. You guys are awesome! The world needs more parents and potential parents like you. Bookmark this entry and keep coming back to it throughout the year as discouraging things come along - I know I'm going to! :)

missy said...

Such a great honest post. I feel your pain in certain ways. Thank you for such a great phrase, "Trusting the No." I will definitely take a T-shirt.

The Busters said...

Katie, I love your honesty. Thank you for your willingness to share your story with all of us. Your journey helped inspire mine and gave our family a "yes" in 2010. Cheers to 2011!

erin said...

Great post Katie. Thanks for being so real and honest and sharing with us. I'm continually amazed at your steps in faith.

s|davis said...

You & Russ are 30 ways of amazing!

I've been following your blog for well over a year and you always seem to amaze me at how strong you are and how much faith you have.

I see great things coming your way!

heather said...

put me on the list for a t-shirt.

thank you for reminding us how good our God is. even when we can't see it the way we want to.
love you guys!!

Blessed Mommy said...

Praying for your "YES" in His perfect timing - and hoping it's 2011! hugs!