Just a guy on a ladder.

We lead mission trips back to Guatemala. Russ leads music at the church. I run the foster/adopt clothing ministry. We volunteer with the orphan care group at church and at Eliot's school. We have adopted and are planning to again, an older child this time.

When any combination of these facts about us are told to a new person, we're met with a reaction of "You guys are amazing." Usually someone shaking their head. I cringe every time. And I never know what to say. We're not amazing, we're not extraordinary. We're regular people. Given what we've been given, seeing what we've seen, this is what we do. If you see a lightbulb out above your bathroom sink, you change it. If you see someone drop their stuff, you help them pick it up. It's quite simply us filling needs presented before us that we are able to. There's way more impressive things being done by way more impressive people.

Desmond is obsessed with firetrucks right now. Last week we were driving on a major road in St. Louis that runs through a college campus. On the edge of campus was a large red truck with a ladder/stairs attached extending to a huge sign welcoming you to campus, a guy at the very top, changing something on the sign.

Dez started shouting "Mom!! A fireman guy! A FIREMAN GUY!"

"Oh, no, Dez, that's just a guy on a ladder."

And that's it, friends. I don't know how our story will hit you, but we're not fireman guys, we're just a guy on a ladder. This isn't a false humility post, we really are just doing what we do. Everything sounds more impressive than it really is. And really, the minute we start thinking of ourselves as "fireman guys" we're all in a lot of trouble...

Giving good gifts.

"Why is there a dog in our backyard?"

Eliot looked at the dog, at me, at Russ, back at the dog. Maybe the huge foolish grins on our faces started his mental processing of what just happened. Maybe it was my unintelligible squeak saying "It's OUR dog!"

*****************
Because we know good people, we have several friends who foster dogs. Every time they posted pics of their latest foster over the last six months, Russ and I would have "the chat." Eliot has been asking for a dog for the last two years. We've read articles on how they promote healthy brain activity and teach basic life responsibility in children. (and by "we've read" I mean I post these articles generously to Russ' inbox…) Every time a pic would pop up on my newsfeed, I'd screenshot it with some emotional plea and text it to him. He was all...

I could see that over months of this I was wearing him down. Every once in awhile he'd nibble. He'd ask a noncommittal question. I'd scurry to find out the answer. Then he'd say no. I'd casually mention that Dez and I went through the Humane Society after pre-school. He's say "Fun!" and change the topic. You may hear a "no" in that but me? Those were gateway to a "yes." Not to mention Eliot's sincere plea. Without knowing it, he was working Russ. Sharing memories, unprompted, of times he had with Daisy, talking about how Daisy was his best friend, etc. We could see there was a legitimate void in his life.

Right around the start of November I could see Russ was on board. So much so that we were both checking almost daily to stray rescue sites and other dog shelters websites. We'd see a potential dog and both agree it wasn't the right one. I emailed back and forth with my fostering friends and before we could make a decision, their foster dog would be adopted by someone else. Then one day in early December a friend posted a link on her FB newsfeed of a neighbor who needed to find a new home for a couple of her pets. I texted Russ, "I found our dog." He had meetings all day so I didn't exactly get the reaction I was hoping for. Without his consent I called the owner and set up a meet-n-greet for Russ' day off. Sometimes ya just know.

We met her. And she was perfect. Any doubt we had about taking on the extra responsibility was gone. She was perfect. The timing was perfect. It was just weeks before Christmas.

We set up the date for the drop off at just a few days later. For days we knew what was coming. We snuck out to a pet store to stock up on stuff but got distracted by the cool dog toys. "Eliot would pick this one!" "Wait, he'd love this one!" We were giddy.

For the next few days it took everything in me not to tell him what was about to happen. He was mad about having to do homework, he was frustrated with his brother for ruining something of his, he didn't feel good one day, etc. I'd just hug him hard as my non-verbal way of saying, "BUT YOU'RE GETTING A DOG! THE PERFECT DOG!" With every down he felt, my smile got bigger. He must have been a little confused.

The drop off was set up for Friday afternoon so that when he came home from school, she'd be here. I was busting at the seams as I drove him to school. HE WAS FINALLY GETTING A DOG! Who cares about practicing your spelling words for the test that morning, you're getting a dog! THIS AFTERNOON! AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

We came up with an elaborate scavenger hunt with clues and gifts, starting with a clue wrapped and under the tree. Russ hid the dog outside while I picked E up from school.

"Hi El, how was school?"

"Eh."

"Well, what do you think of getting an early Christmas present?"

"Really?"

He took a sweet forever taking off his coat and putting his backpack up. And then asked for a snack. And that's when I riggled and jiggled in impatience and yelled, "OPEN YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT!"

He S.L.O.W.L.Y. went through each clue, annoyed that we'd try to answer it for him, just to move on. FINALLY the clues led him outside and to the back yard.

"Why is there a dog in our backyard?"

Our clues were obviously not very obvious.

Eliot spent that entire weekend obsessing over our new dog. We've had her for three months now and at least every other day he's says, "Can you believe we have a dog? Marzipan, can you believe you're our dog? Mom, can you believe how perfect Marzi is?" She's the first thing he looks for every morning. He tells her how beautiful she is when she walks by him. He truly loves loves loves this dog.

Being on this side of good gift giving feels like nothing else.

I imagine this is how God felt right before we opened the email with Eliot's referral picture. How did he feel as he watched us pick up the phone to hear, "Katie, check your email, I sent you and Russ a referral. I think this is the one." I've never thought about God feeling giddy but I can't imagine him feeling otherwise the morning we left to go strawberry picking and ended up getting the Dez "phone call" on our way there. He knew what our family would look like and what amazing gifts our children are. That's not to oversimplify the complexities of adoption, but God knew and I really believe he was pretty excited for us to finally meet these two turkeys.

Debt Free Adoption

After presenting at our monthly local orphan care meeting, I had a few requests to post all the info I'd gathered online somewhere for easy access. And it just so happens I have a blog for any platform I want. Lucky you guys!

Back in the olden days, before the internet was a legit thing, a hot young couple hastily jumped into an international adoption with an "Eh, we'll figure it out somehow" attitude and made dumb decisions. So this post is the opposite of what we did, kind of a "wish we would have known about that when we started all this biz years ago…" entry.

This only applies to private and international adoptions as adoptions through foster care do not cost the adopters anything. This also won't address tax info. That's over my head, frankly, but I have a couple people you could contact if you have questions about that. I will tell you though to keep a folder where you have copies of receipts of EVERY PENNY you spend on your adoption because the tax credit will need to be proven to be awarded. Give future-you a present by keeping all of that in one handy place from the beginning.

****Important point**** Make sure your fundraisers aren't always asking for money from the same people. Think of ways your community can reach out to others beyond your circle. Think of goods or services or events you can sell that would interest more than just your direct family and friends.


Before you look at my list and get super impressed, know that I gathered the majority of my info from juliegumm.com (Author of Adoption without Debt). Her blog and book are PACKED with ideas and organizations. Go there. Often.

Grants/loans:
*Direct Grants- you fill out an application and they award you money (going to your agency, not your pocket). There's always criteria and rules. It's a lot of work to fill out the applications but IT'S FREE MONEY, PEOPLE. And once you fill out one application, a lot of them require the same info that you've already gathered. Go to Resources4adoption.com to save yourself weeks of research. She's done all the hard work in finding and organizing all the grants out there. She keeps it up to date. She's your new best friend and probably has a pair of traveling pants with someone. (Check out Show Hope, A Child Waits, Affording Adoption, and Gift of Adoption to name a few)
*Abba Fund- Check with your church to see if they have an Abba Fund account. It works like an interest free loan. There are guidelines, of course, so check details!

(giving you a visual on what you're working so hard for)

Partner Organizations
*Pure Charity is a great online organization that you can channel funds through. Funds go to your agency, not you and as long as your agency is a 501c3, your donors get a tax deduction. Also, as long as you have an account, friends and family can go through your page to shop at Target, etc and you get credited a percentage of their purchases.

*GoFundMe and Paypal work similarly, except with GoFundMe you create a page, have a goal, can add updates and pictures, etc.

*Give 1, Save 1: Apply to this website to be their "Family of the week." They feature your family story for a week and run a campaign for a week. Lots of $1s add up!

(another visual)

Big Events (all eggs in one basket kinda stuff) (side note: if you know a friend with event planning skills, ask for help! You may be losing out on maximizing your event if you've never done something like this before!) (another side note: I don't believe you can sell alcohol at any of your events without the right permits. Look into that…)

*Both Hands Foundation: This is by far the best organization to help with fundraising that I've ever heard of. You raise potentially huge amounts for your adoption while serving the needs of widows in your community. It's brilliant. Check out the website!

*Food! Whether it's a pancake breakfast, spaghetti night, or pig roast, you can raise a lot if these are done right. Start with asking for donation of food items. Ask for volunteers to help cook, decorate and serve. Host a silent (and/or live) auction. Ask for big donations to auction off. Hold raffles all night. Host an "after party" that costs extra.

*Yard Sales: ask friends and family for donations of their stuff they're getting rid of anyway. Run a bake sale/lemonade stand along side it. Advertise like it's your job. Contact yard sale hosts the few weeks leading up to yours and ask for their leftovers (assuming they were taking it all to Goodwill anyway.) Make sure you indicate (in ads and at the sale) that proceeds go to an adoption.

*Photo Mini-session: If you've been here very long you know that we had a day of mini-sessions through Fresh Art Photography before Desmond's adoption. People paid a set amount (or more) for a time slot, we had multiple backdrops (all in a warehouse) and a variety of props. The photographers donated their time (which was unbelievable). I had friends bring us lunch, coffee or sodas as needed since we packed that day with A LOT of families.

*Karaoke Night: I read about this on Julie Gumm's website and loved it. See if you can get a venue, equipment and snacks donated (low overhead cost). People buy tickets to come but can also buy a "No Sing" necklace upon entering. This is important because you can pay a set fee as often as you want to make other people sing. Unless they're wearing the necklace. Make them expensive. =) I would also recommend raffles and silent/live auctions at this event.

*Trivia Nights are huge in St. Louis. People bring (and pay tickets for) a table of their friends. There's usually ten rounds of ten questions. Again, raffles and auctions are great at these.

*Freezer meals: One family had their community make a deep freezer full of ready-to-cook meals and raffled it off. The freezer was donated as were the meals. They made a significant amount of money raffling it off.

*Restaurants: A lot of restaurants will often partner with a family or organization for a percentage of one evenings meals to go to your cause. Then you advertise like crazy for family and friends to fill that place that night!

*Direct Sales Fair: Know anyone selling Arbonne, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Noonday? They're all looking for more customers anyway, so combine them all into one venue for one afternoon. Obviously asking them to share part of their proceeds with your adoption.

*Mustache Fight: I heard a story about a wife who wanted to her husband to shave his mustache. He didn't want to shave it. So they held a competition. Whoever raised the most money in a weeks time got to make the mustache decision. They raised over $1000 in the first 24 hours. This could also work with shaving head or dying hair a crazy color, etc. Get creative, peeps. It's just hair.

*Bingo Nights!
*Golf tournaments! Mini-Golf tournaments!
*Walk-a-thons!

(A double visual, keep working hard.)

On-Going sales
*T-shirt sales

*Just Love Coffee: sign up for a "store front" and encourage your people to buy coffee through that site.

*ThredUpGather clothes (especially name brands) from family and friends and ship them (for FREE) to this company. They resell them online and you get paid up to 40% their resale value if they make the cut. You can do this as often as you want. They pay you via Paypal.

*Cash4shooz: This website pays by the pound. Gather up unwanted shoes and send them in!

(And another)

How to ask for donations, straight up.
(These can also be AT your big events)
*Puzzle Pieces: Buy a large numbered puzzle (depending on how big you think you're donor pool is). "Sell" pieces of the puzzle for a suggested donation. As people donate, you write their names on the blank side of the puzzle piece and once all pieces are bought, you put it together and frame it to post in your house somewhere.

*Envelope Tree: Get 100 or 150 envelopes and number them 1-150. People take the envelope with the number of what they're willing to donate. 100 envelopes = $5050, 150 envelopes = over $11,000.

*Tag-a-bag: (especially for international adopters or domestic traveling to another location) Get a piece of luggage that can be written on with permanent marker. Charge people a fee to write a message/sign their name on the suitcase (like they would a cast.) Then use that luggage for your pick up trip.


That's all I got, peeps. Seriously, go to Julie Gumm's website often. She's solid biz.

Those who constantly attempt to become legends rarely do. -Ancient Proverb I just made up.

I just came inside from running a puking dog out to the front lawn. I'm on day three of these yoga pants and have accumulated enough fuzz on them to prove it. My youngest is crying at the door because I won't let him go outside. (It's winter and he's insisted on being naked all day.) I'm 11 days behind the "Read-the-bible-in-a-year-plan" and it's January 12th. My Christmas tree is sitting dead in the corner, it's needles slowly creeping their way around the house. The dog needs a bath. The kids need a bath. I could use one myself, actually. We're out of milk and I couldn't tell you the last time my kids ate a vegetable. I'm ignoring all the committee emails from my eldest's school. I'm not a natural home-maker so being a SAHM feels like prison a little bit and if I'm totally honest, I often get jealous that the hubs is in his dream job. I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up and I'm weeks away from turning 37, which in my head feels like turning 40 three years early. And this isn't even a bad day.

I would hate for today to be the day I'm scrolling through my mom's Instagram feed from 25 years ago and see that all the pics of me have a #worldchanger hashtag.

I'm noticing this trend among my parenting friends, specifically my christian ones. Posting a picture of your kid and adding the hashtag "World Changer."

#dailydez #worldchanger #clothesoptional

This morning as I took pause and looked at the reality of me right in this moment I was extremely thankful my parents never added that title onto my identity, at least not that I'm aware of. Holy pressure! Upon seeing that I think I'd start cataloging all my "good deeds." I could read fifty articles about how being a mom is one of the highest callings, I could look at our ReSource ministry and pat myself on the back, I could assign undue credit to the influence our adoption stories have had on our community, all these in attempt to build my own heavenly crown, hoping to prove to myself I'm being a good steward of my life, that these things add up to *kind of* changing the world?

But you know what? These are not the things I should be finding my identity in, and neither are the fuzzy yoga pants and puking dog. I don't feel like I'm disappointing anyone because I'm living today as a child of God. That is my identity. No additional banners attached.

Do I want my kids to be world changers? Duh. But to put that on them is unfair. (To put that on me is unfair, for that matter, I don't know how to grow world changers, although I'm sure there's a book out there that can teach me.) I don't know what my kids will do with their life but I want them to proceed just doing their best. Doing what they feel is their purpose, doing what glorifies God without the standard of pushing constantly to be a world changer. Adding that title changes the goal. I want them to be so secure in their love from both God and us that they feel the freedom to pursue even the most mundane life-style if it glorifies God and they love it.

It's not that I have low expectations for my kids. It has more to do with me wanting them to figure out what they love, discover what they're good at, what God created them to do and work at it with all their heart, regardless of the outcome.

I'm not trying to add to the mommy wars, not trying to say we're doing anything better than anyone else. We've just been talking lately about the weight of the common things we say to our kids and trying to think more critically about why and what and how that may impact them.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to change the crap in our world. There's nothing wrong with wanting your kids to make this place better for everyone. If you need to call yourself a "World Changer" as you get out of bed each day because thats the motivation you need to do what you do, then great. At the end of the day, though, simply call yourself a child of God. Because at the end of the day it's not about whether you checked stuff off your list, whether you failed or achieved, it's about resting in a place you couldn't achieve no matter what you did that day.

#childofGod #clothingstilloptional

Adoption TMI update! Cuz who doesn't love TMI?!

Here's what needs to happen in order for us to be ready:

OUR RESPONSIBILITY:
Get re-fingerprinted
Get physicals from the Doc
Finish the PILES of paperwork for our home study
Finish our adoption classes (just one left!)
Collect a couple missing documents for home study
Create a "life book" (pics/info) to show at "staffings".

OTHERS RESPONSIBILITY:
Process our fingerprints
Mail in our physicals
Mail in our recommendation letters and employment verification
Schedule our adoption class that was postponed
Put all of that together and update the home study (biggest responsibility)

Then we wait. You remember that part, right? Speaking of waiting, this was me waiting to meet our newest social worker last week. Just a normal Friday, ya know?

The next steps are ones we've not experienced yet. In our home study we've specified ages and disabilities we can/cannot accept so when a child becomes available through the state that fits in those categories, we'll receive an email asking if we'd like to be considered. At that point we can put our name in the hat or not. The team (any where from 8-12 people) narrows it down to three families and hosts a "Staffing". A "staffing" is a meeting where they look at the specific child and his/her needs and decide as a team which family would best fit that child, ranking them 1,2,3. (Somewhere before that is an interview from the team.) Birth families are not involved at this point.

We could be interviewed for staffings for months or even years and still not get picked. And that's okay.

Please understand this process through the state is child-centered, as it should be. If we don't get picked right away, it's not our opportunity to be offended. No matter how you view us, we may not be the right fit for a child, where another family may be. We want the team to be critical about these decisions, as it's in everyone's best interest especially the child.

We're not hoping for this to be quick, we're hoping for this to be right.

So, that's it. Now, off to my paperwork pile! Feel free to pray, feel free to ask questions, feel free to send Starbucks.

Snow Session: Fresh Art Photography

A Saturday in mid-December surprised St. Louis with enough snow to cancel our adoption class so Jodie and I decided to do an impromptu family session instead! Click here for the full blog post of pics! (Here's a peek though...)

'Twas the Night Before The Home Study (re-post)

...when all through the house,
not a dustball was stirring, and certainly not a mouse;
The family pics were hung on the wall with care
with hopes that the social worker would soon be there;

the child was nestled in front of a movie with care
while visions of a sibling danced in his head;
With Russ in his toolbelt, and me in my cleaning cap
we got swiftly to work, yelling "No time for a nap!"

Away to the window, I flew like a flash,
Windexing the panes and dusting the sash,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But boxes of stuff we don't need, it was clear,

To the dumpster Russ flew, so lively and quick,
I knew it was gone when I heard the lid click.
More rapid than eagles, with cleaner I came,
I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, front stairs! now, banister! now, vanity and tub!
On, corners! on baseboards! on, trucks and stuffed cub!
To the top of the mantel! to the top of the wall!
Now scrub away! wipe away! dust away all!"

So into the trashcan the dust-mites they flew,
With my arms full of supplies, and Russell's arms, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on my phone
The social worker appointment being postponed.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Into the room Russell came with a bound.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

"An extra week we have to prepare,
My gorgeous princess, you have no reason to despair."
And I heard him exclaim, ere he walked out of sight,
Happy home study to all, and to all a good night!


**Reposted from early 2010.

We are actually having a home study visit tomorrow (again). I should actually be cleaning but instead I'm reading old blogs. Seems like a good idea.

The Book.

Not THE Book, like the Holy one, I just mean my book. My memoir of Eliot's adoption.

You'll be happy to hear I've not touched it since I finished it. That's what I call progress. I'd like to blame the holidays and about four other things but I just needed a little space from it. I needed to clear my head. I needed to lay down my premature dream of getting published and refocus.

I've spent that time reading this book and this book.

Essentially I need to edit. To chop. Like Locks of Love chop.

It's like buying the absolute perfect house but it was previously owned by hoarders who disappeared and left all their stuff there. You can see the sound structure and spacious rooms. You saw peeks of beautiful crown molding and intricate tile work. But it's all covered by crap. THE STUFF. The stuff is all consuming and you needed some space after the initial walk through before you went back at it.

If you can't picture that, think of it as a huge pile of mental vomit and now I just need to pull out all the good chunks.

I'm excited about it again. I'll keep ya posted once I make more actual progress. Thanks for always asking about it. You guys have been such a huge support.

Some-ary. (Read: summary)

I know you've been dying to hear how my resolutions ended up. The last I updated was check #7 in September. Here's how they broke down in the 4th quarter:

Check #8: We are paying off one of our little reminders of infertility this month! Yay!

Check #9: Clean basement resource? Well, it's super functional but it's not totally awesome yet. We've made unbelievable progress and served over 60 kids in foster care/adoptive homes but it could use some more work. And some bug spray.

Check #10: Nope. No quilt was made. Not even a tiny bit. Although my MIL bought me one for Christmas. Does that count?

Check #11: While I tried getting my laptop fixed in January of last year, I was met with the judgemental snarls of the Apple world claiming what I was using was "vintage". And then it quit working all together. Our super awesome house-mate Allie lent me hers for most of the year so I could still write. And the happiest part? I got a new laptop for Christmas! I'm back. Like Britney, only more sober.

Check #12: Blurb book of 2012? Um...didn't happen. Although I made an Instagram calendar of 2013 pics. Does that kinda count?


2013 was one of our best years as a family and for me personally. I've started my goals for '14 and once they're critiqued by the lazier me instead of the "worlds-my-oyster" me, I'll post 'em.

Happy New Year, friends! Thanks for playing along...

Welcome to our frat house.

****Not sure why this posted again!


My posts have felt a little somber lately. The last few posts have been soap-boxy bulletin boards. Time for a quick scrapbook moment for my boys. Ya know, in case Facebook implodes one day and I lose all my documentation of their childhood. I should warn you, I'm a serial facebooker. And Instagrammer. But I'm most embarrassed to say my last kid-themed-status-update-update was July of '12. I'm not going to copy the last year and a half's here but I'll at least give ya the last few months...

****EDITED TO ADD**** I started with just the last couple months but was having so much fun revisiting our crazy that I kept going. Whatever. It's my party and I'll blog if I want to, blog if I want to, blog if I want to. This post is more for Dez and Eliot to revisit in 20 years. All that to say, it's long but if you're bored, have at it.

A few posts:
JULY-DECEMBER '12

*E: Mom, I want strong muscles like Michael Phelps, do you?
Me: Yep, that's why I was exercising yesterday.
E: Uh, mom,...it didn't work.

*Every time we get in the car Eliot yells, "My biscuits are burnin'!"

*Nothing says " road trip with a six yr old" like Hey Mom, I bet I can count to 10, 000! 1, 2, 3...

*Russ to E, getting in the car with half an ice cream cone: Eliot, are you really going to finish all of that?
Eliot: Dude, I'm gonna kill it.

*Me: El, for snack do you want a banana?
El: Sure, what kind do you have?

*It might just be easier to put all the kitchen cabinet contents into Dez's toy baskets and his toys into the cabinets.

*Dear teachers, if Eliot's "how I spent my summer vacation" essay includes watching YouTube videos on "how to cornrow" that *might* be my fault.

*Me: Eliot, you need to *blah blah blah*
Eliot: Whatever you say, Mom
Me: Um..what?
Eliot: Whatever you say...is awesome?

*Something I never imagined saying as a parent: "Stop running hot wheels through your brother's fro."

*I know I shouldn't refer to my child as my antagonist but what else do you call someone who constantly follows you around undoing what you just did. And don't say "a toddler" because then I'm forced to reply, "touche!" and I hate saying that.

*"Mom, booty is a noun" #firstgradeFTW

*That moment when you mistakingly reprimand your son for calling you a "cougar" when he actually called you a "cool girl".

*That moment when you find yourself cleaning up diarrhea from two children while listening to The Chipmunks sing Christmas songs in Spanish. Yeah, that moment.

*Every time we ask Eliot to do something he says, "No comprendo." Well played, Guatemalan, well played.

*Something I didn't anticipate with the multi- age classroom: Eliot's sudden interest in third grade girls.

*20 (ish) teeth by 2 years old? It's going to be a long 6 months...#only4teethat18months

*While letting a-very-excited-to-vote Eliot push the buttons on electronic ballot, the next guy in line interrupted us:
Guy: excuse me, mam, can you stop letting your child help you? I'm in a hurry.
Me: I'm sorry sir, what's the problem?
Guy: I'm in a hurry and you're taking too long in letting your kid help you.
Me: Sir, that's not my problem. If you aren't happy with the way I'm voting, there's other booths. This moment is important for my son and frankly, what's taking so long is this conversation.

*Dez trying to throw a fit while also having the hiccups might be the best thing about my day.

*Dez just did something he knew was wrong and immediately put his hand out for Eliot to give him a high five. Help.

*Well, it only took 18 months but the fro got caught in the nose ring. #occupationalhazard

*Eliot asked to go to Thousand Island tonight. It's worth looking into... #mayansknowaboutstuff

*Dear Leapfrog, you know you've done your job well when I ask my 18 month old what a frog says and he responds by trying to sing the ABCs.

*2 Eliot stories for you:
1. "Mom, I had a dream that I played drums that were ON FIRE! But no worries, I was so safe."
2. (Guy on the radio): "he got the punch line wrong."
Eliot: HE JUST SAID TO PUNCH MY MOM!

*Eliot mentioned we only have a half day today. I'm assuming he means at school but consider this your warning if he meant otherwise. #apocalypse

*Free PSA for you and yours this holiday season: if your "Elf" dyed both gallons of milk with food coloring days ago, your toddler's diaper deposits *might* be color themed until previously mentioned milk runs out. No need to call the pediatrician.

*I guess day 4 of the same outfit confirms Eliot likes his new clothes we gave him for Christmas.

*Additional note to self: Desmond's hair should be kept far away from large Velcro strips. #thathurt

JANUARY:
*While in the car:
Eliot: Mom! That house has a bright red light in front!
Me: Mmm, yes, it sure does.
Eliot: We should get a bright red light for our house!
Me: Um...no, we probably won't do that.
Eliot: How come?
Me: Um...it's just a little confusing for people...

FEBRUARY
*My kids have no sledding endurance. #parentfail #globalwarmingfail

*Dez has a bug of some sort and has now started saying "boo boo" whenever he chucks. It's endearing, really.

*Days spent along side a toddler with a stomach bug are like living with a mobile land mine. A land mine who wants to cuddle.

*E just told me you have to lose a tooth before you can go to second grade. Man, the standards are rough these days.

*At 21 months Dez just cut his 4th "one-year molar". That means he should cut his "two-year molars" by the time he's in preschool? Egad.

*Eliot quote of the morning: (walking into the dining room where we're enjoying breakfast) "which one of you slobs is going to get dressed and take me to school?"

*You know your new experiment with the pancakes was successful when Dez insists on calling them "Good Guys" as he devours his fourth...#secretingredient

*Remember that time Dez was sitting on the sled at the top of the stairs? -- Russ Mohr #heartattack

MARCH
*The swim coach asked all the boys where their favorite place to vacation spot was. One kid said Lake of the Ozarks. Eliot answered "Guatemala." #thatsnormal?

*Eliot just prayed that Jesus would turn his skin black like Dez. When I asked why he said, "I'll bet Dez will be better than me at camouflaging himself in dark places." #ninjas

*Dez: *whine whine*
Me: What, Dez? I can't understand you, use your words, please.
Eliot stands, put hands on hips: REVEAL THE TRUTH, DEZ!

*When I opened the door to Desmond's room this morning he stood, started clapping and yelled "YAY MOM!!!" It's nice feeling like I accomplished something already today.

*E: Mom, can you get the thermometer down for me?
M: Why do you need the thermometer?
E: I want to stick it up my nose and see what temperature my boogers are.

*With the right hair product and some pipe cleaners I could easily make Dez into an Easter bunny... #toofar?

APRIL
*It's decided. Dez has agreed to turn 3 on his next birthday and skip this whole 2 business.

*When a 9 year old female dinner guest asked what our rules for meal time were, Eliot responded, "You can't say 'penis' at the dinner table."
#houseofboys #awkwardsilence

*Me: Eliot, your t-ball practice was cancelled because of all the rain!
Eliot: You just don't want me to be happy, do you?
#thankyoupigeonbooks

*In other news, I *may* have just yelled, "2Pac IS real music!" at my 6 year old.

*Apparently during an intense game of rock, paper, scissors at school today Eliot played "heart." No one knew what to do. Well played, Eliot, well played. #lovewins #arguewithit

*Out of nowhere at dinner tonight Eliot said, "If a lightening bolt comes down and strikes me in the heart it won't matter because the Holy Spirit will BLAST it away. ...And also? I just held my breath for forty minutes. " ?????

MAY
*Eliot's making farting noises and singing "Desmond did it" to the tune of Adele's "Rumor has it." #frathouse

*It's worth noting that Dez uses the same word for Jesus as he does for Cheez-its. #cheezitsarehisidol

*"Boys! We do not run over bananas with bicycles inside the house!" #frathouse

*So far this morning I've overheard Eliot in the other room trying to teach Dez how to say "Happy Mother's Day" and then he asked if we could look at pictures of when he was adopted. It's almost enough to forgive him for waking me up an hour early...

*Awwww! I remember reading birthday texts on my mom's phone when I turned seven! Oh wait...

*No matter how much work, time and stress it takes to plan, time away from home and real life, it will ALWAYS BE WORTH IT to see Eliot fall in love with his birth country a little bit more each year.

*Hey Russ, remember that time we took the kids to the circus and the tornado sirens kept going off? #hysteria #somanykidscrying #adultsoverreacting That was a great Gotcha Day.

JUNE
*Eliot asked to hear the beginning of his adoption story again this morning (his referral and meeting us the first time). Mid way through the story he says, "Aw man! I wish you guys would've named me Michael Jackson instead of Eliot." #hindsight #parentfail?

*Dear Desmond, in 15 years when you're on some sort of singing competition show and they ask you when you started singing you can answer with, "my mom said that from at least 18 months old I was singing all the time. I would even match tones that I heard including the garbage disposal, tornado sirens, and car horns."

*Eliot: "DEZ! Rule #1 in this house is we DO NOT eat someone else's Cheez-its!" #tough #itis? #seemslegit #frathouse

JULY:
*Dez seems extra squishy on rainy days.

*Instead of praying over our meal, Eliot asked God for girlfriends for himself and Dez. About five minutes later he interrupted a conversation Russ and I were having by saying, "So...lets talk about body hair." #vacationsover

*Whispering from the other room: "Dez, when people ask who your best friend is, you say 'Eliot.'"

Aaaaaaand to balance it out...

"Mom! I taught Dez a new game! It's called Fetch!"

*Gathering our camping gear Eliot picks something up and says, "Is this for making smoothies?"
Me: "No, that's a lantern." #cementbabies #parentfail

*"Mom, how do you say 'privates' in Spanish?" #frathouse #mycommitmenttoyourbilingualnessonlygoessofar

AUGUST
*"Mom! I almost did it!"

"Almost did what?"

"I was almost able to say 'mom' while burping! I was so close!"

#frathouse #everydayeliot

*Dear Dez,
If you're going to try and sneak around out of your bed during naptime, might I suggest playing with something other than a tambourine.

Love, Mom

*In a conversation about having to get new tires for my car:
E: Aw, Mom, I thought you were getting rims, too.
Me: oh! Rims! Right, um...I didn't even think of it!
E: Well, you should put rims on your Christmas list.

*If you missed it, it was Friendly Elderly Lady day at Schnucks. Including one of them chasing me down an aisle, asking her friend on the other end of the phone to wait so she could tell me that my children were the most beautiful she'd ever seen, including her grandchildren. And she has a lot of grandchildren. So if I ever meet them, keep this conversation to myself.

*Dez sure knows how to clear a pool... #grabthebiohazardbag #dailydez #sorryaboutthat

*Making Eliot review math facts while I'm detangling Dez's fro was not the best start to a Monday morning. #trailoftears

*Note to self: making the last week of summer super fun with Cards games, bike rides, sheet forts, and going to the movies is the opposite of what will excite him about going back to school. Next year make it a week of cleaning baseboards, weeding the backyard and alphabetizing our home library, all while playing the quiet game.
*Eliot just put his Ninja Turtles in "the fiery furnace". #Shadrach,MeshachandMichelangelo

*Perhaps it's a sign I'm being overly affectionate with my sensory child when he immediately begins backing up when I say, "I'm just so proud of you..."

SEPTEMBER
*I'm trying to read about Syria while a guy from Charter is fixing our internet and singing Fall Out Boy to me and explaining why it's his jam. Eliot is "teaching Dez numbers" by making him repeat each one after him starting with 1 with plans to finish at 100. # bangingmyheadagainstthewall #its5:00somewhere

*Just walked into the bathroom and found Dez using an electric toothbrush as a back massager. #resourceful #clever #gladitwasntmine #partyDez

*"Mom? Billy Yean is not my yover." -Dez

*"Boys! The playroom is a disaster! Get in here and clean it up!" -Me
"Nana made dat mess!" -Dez

*Dez just rode his bike helter skelter into the kitchen yelling, "GOD IS COMING, GOD IS COMING!" and hid in the cabinet. I always thought this announcement would come from the Mayan. Consider yourself warned. #apocalypse

*"Dez, I'm so proud of you for going potty the last few days!"

"Tank you, Mommy, I so poud of you for givin me M&M's."

*I don't know why I ever ever ever tell Eliot that we can't leave to go somewhere until Dez wakes up. It yields the same result EVERY TIME.

OCTOBER:
*(Re: the tornado siren test's creepy talking voice)

Dez: "Mom, dat guy say Dez needs fruit snacks."

*In the middle of a sibling argument unrelated to the following zing:
"Well guess what, Dez?! THOMAS ISNT EVEN A FAST ENGINE! Ha!" #jugular

*Got home from Nashville in time to pick Eliot up from school. Climbing in the car he announced, "I'm so proud of you guys for coming home! I missed you faster than a cheetah mixed with a falcon with cool shoes on!"

* (Dez was meowing while playing in another room)
I looked at Eliot: "We have a cat?"
E: "I never agreed to that." #heskillingme

*It's a middle name kinda night at Mohr Manor.

*"Mom, did you guys adopt Dez so I'd have subjects for my kingdom?" #nottheadoptionquestionIexpected

NOVEMBER:

*"This is how Shaun White's mom must have felt all the time." -as I walk into the boys' room and Eliot's cheering Dez on as he successfully rides his tricycle off his bed. Backwards. #Godblessher #frathouse

*Thank you, Daylight Savings Time, for that extra hour with my kids this morning. They used it to practice their arm-fart noises and fight over which train is the best. So, thank you for that. I hope you don't accidentally "fall back" in front of a moving vehicle.

*Before you congratulate us on our new 5 year old named Jackson, know that Eliot has an active imagination. Or Mayan intuition. Not sure which yet...

*Dear Kale and Spinach, if you want me to keep hiding you in foods my kids eat, I'm going to need you to work on your camouflage skills.

"Mom? Why do we have to eat the banana muffins in the dark?"

"Shhhh, honey, and eat another muffin."

*The good news is that while our children failed to follow any directions this morning they were at least disrespectful about it. #mondayfunday #notreally #morecoffeeplease #morepatienceplease

*Pointing to the CD player in his preschool classroom, Dez asked his teacher, "Listen Ice, Ice Baby? Peez?"

*Ah...that part of my day where the introvert (who's been around people all day) and the extrovert (who's been lonely all day) come together in beautiful harmony. And by harmony I mean fighting.#brothers

*It's not only lost on Eliot that I'm singing Adele lyrics to give him a spelling pre-test, but he's also begging me to stop. *sigh* #wastedtalents #pearlsamongswine

*I know he has some language processing issues but telling E he needed to rewind the tape in the VCR at Nana's really threw him. #oldschool

*This morning Eliot couldn't find one of his gloves which I later found out in front of our house. When I showed him I found it he said, "Thank you, mom! I'll bet Jesus kept an eye on it while God distracted the bad guys who wanted to steal it."

*I'm almost convinced that Dez isn't a real person. Pretty sure he's a cartoon. #thiskid