Raw.

At 6:15 a.m. I pulled into the cold parking lot, the only people around were delivering the day's meat to Pappy's next door.

I walked into the empty space, walked to the fuse box to turn on the lights, and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day. A day we've been planning for a couple months now on top of everything else.

I've been living on adrenaline for the last 3 months and today would be no different. From the minute the volunteers showed up, I felt it. It was go-time, no matter the fact I only got 4 hours of sleep the night before.


While I was go go go all day, it was n.o.t.h.i.n.g compared to Jodie and Kim. They were a non-stop circus act every 20 minutes. Some of those kiddos were tough cookies to crack, and Jodie and Kim were resilient in making a good photo happen. I've worked w/ them for awhile now but seeing them in this setting w/ over 50 children was something I'll never forget. They are so gifted at what they do.

The volunteers were so ready and willing. Friends brought tables, donated stuff for gift bags, brought lunch, brought Starbucks. Each family that walked through the doors congratulated us on the adoption, some even bringing gifts!

Now, let me pause and give you a peek into a personality "quirk" of mine. When I'm in the middle of something, I tend to get goal minded. Once I'm in that mode, I tend to leave everything else aside (emotions, thoughts, etc.) in order to stay on task. This was me yesterday.

Until Eliot and Russ stopped by and Eliot asked me what all these people were doing here.

"To help bring the baby home" I answered.

and then I lost it. It all caught up to me and it took my breath away.

It only lasted a moment as I was needed with another family and I slipped back into work mode.

Surprisingly, I was in bed by 10 that night. The hour before was nothing short of deliriousness. Thankfully the only witness was Russ and he's stuck w/ me in sickness and in health, so we're all good.

This morning, having this experience behind us, having almost completed the home study, having the CD out and getting downloaded daily, making preparations for leaving work, having the due date get dangerously close, I felt raw.

A good raw.

The kind where my prayers are more genuine. My inhibitions are stripped. I'm no longer self-sufficient, but dependent. Again, in a good way. A healthy way. I'm not thanking God for "just the stuff I can't do" but for everything. I feel weak. I feel good.