...when all through the house,
not a dustball was stirring, and certainly not a mouse;
The family pics were hung on the wall with care
with hopes that the social worker would soon be there;
the child was nestled in front of a movie with care
while visions of a sibling danced in his head;
With Russ in his toolbelt, and me in my cleaning cap
we got swiftly to work, yelling "No time for a nap!"
Away to the window, I flew like a flash,
Windexing the panes and dusting the sash,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But boxes of stuff we don't need, it was clear,
To the dumpster Russ flew, so lively and quick,
I knew it was gone when I heard the lid click.
More rapid than eagles, with cleaner I came,
I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, front stairs! now, banister! now, vanity and tub!
On, corners! on baseboards! on, trucks and stuffed cub!
To the top of the mantel! to the top of the wall!
Now scrub away! wipe away! dust away all!"
So into the trashcan the dust-mites they flew,
With my arms full of supplies, and Russell's arms, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on my phone
The social worker appointment being postponed.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Into the room Russell came with a bound.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
"An extra week we have to prepare,
My gorgeous princess, you have no reason to despair."
And I heard him exclaim, ere he walked out of sight,
Happy home study to all, and to all a good night!
**Reposted from early 2010.
We are actually having a home study visit tomorrow (again). I should actually be cleaning but instead I'm reading old blogs. Seems like a good idea.
Showing posts with label Foster Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Foster Fun. Show all posts
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The post where I disappoint you? (Foster Care/Adoption Awareness Post)
When a high school student meets with her counselor and announces her desire to become a doctor, the counselor's job is to educate her on what that path entails, to make her aware so as to minimize the surprises. The path to adoption is actually pretty similar: long timeline, expensive costs, tedious paperwork, hard work and sacrifice and not everyone is cut out for it. So, that's what this post is. I'm sitting you down and giving you a chat. Deep breath and an open mind.
Many of you heard sermons a couple weeks ago on Orphan Sunday, you've watched videos of adoptive families, read inspirational articles. You've been moved. Especially those already struggling through infertility or already having talks with your spouse about adding another child to your family. You've felt the tug and adoption could be your answer.
Then you start picturing a child being added to your family through adoption and what that would look like. You picture another car seat, new decorations in a nursery, you even picture the Christmas card you'll send out next year. You have "the talk" with your spouse and he's also on board or at least willing to hear more information. You start getting excited now that the calling has been realized and even confess to a friend, "I have always wanted a black baby".
This is a problem. And I've made it worse by posting pics like these:
My kids? Our stories? They aren't the majority. They were the exception to the rule, especially Dez's adoption. Healthy infants are not the need in the orphan crisis today. When you hear about the "147,000,000 orphans worldwide" it's not referring to rows upon rows of perfectly healthy infants just waiting for a face they can coo at. There are infants who are being placed for adoption but the waiting lines for those babies can be long and the cost is high. (Not counting the private adoptions you hear about where so-n-so's mailman's cousin got pregnant and offered her baby to a family.) You CAN adopt a healthy infant, just be prepared for it to be expensive and the wait to be long. (I really do have the gift of encouragement, I know.) These two elements are not red flags indicating you've misread your calling. They are simply reality.
On one side of the coin we have lists of waiting families. On the other side? Waiting children. And it's not as easy as 1+1=problem solved, unfortunately.
The need is children with special needs, children with medical needs, older children and sibling sets. Those groups comprise the majority of "the orphan crisis." And they need families. But more often than not, that's not what people are signing up for.
I get it. The unknown is SCARY. You've heard stories and seen TV shows about older foster kids. You see a family with a child with special needs and think, "They're amazing, I couldn't do that." And maybe you're right. But maybe you're not. If someone you knew and loved died suddenly in a car crash, leaving their 2 older kids to you, you'd figure it out, right? If you gave birth to a special needs child, you'd learn the ropes. You just would. I know it's not as simple as that, that both of these would be hard, life-changing even. But just because it's something you've never done, doesn't mean it's something you can't do.
These things are not impossible. They are just unknown.
If you're feeling "called" to adoption, I want you to know what you're getting into. I'm okay writing a post that leaves you feeling disappointed and heavy because this is not a decision that should be entered into lightly. There's so many kids coming from hard places, traumatic places, that need homes. We need people that are sober about this decision, people that are willing to get educated about their resources and support. I'm okay bursting your Christmas card bubble to help you get to the real stuff even though I know it's not what you want to hear.
In the name of speaking the truth in love, some of you are simply barking up the wrong tree. Your view is limited. There are treasures whose files come with a little extra paperwork. Files you wouldn't consider because your experience and familiarity is limited. They need families who are radically pursuing and fighting to call them son and daughter. Families that may not yet be equipped but are willing to become equipped.
If you've started the adoption conversations, I'm asking you to broaden those discussions. As always, if you need more input feel free to email me and if I can't offer you wisdom in a specific area, I know people who can.
Many of you heard sermons a couple weeks ago on Orphan Sunday, you've watched videos of adoptive families, read inspirational articles. You've been moved. Especially those already struggling through infertility or already having talks with your spouse about adding another child to your family. You've felt the tug and adoption could be your answer.
Then you start picturing a child being added to your family through adoption and what that would look like. You picture another car seat, new decorations in a nursery, you even picture the Christmas card you'll send out next year. You have "the talk" with your spouse and he's also on board or at least willing to hear more information. You start getting excited now that the calling has been realized and even confess to a friend, "I have always wanted a black baby".
This is a problem. And I've made it worse by posting pics like these:
My kids? Our stories? They aren't the majority. They were the exception to the rule, especially Dez's adoption. Healthy infants are not the need in the orphan crisis today. When you hear about the "147,000,000 orphans worldwide" it's not referring to rows upon rows of perfectly healthy infants just waiting for a face they can coo at. There are infants who are being placed for adoption but the waiting lines for those babies can be long and the cost is high. (Not counting the private adoptions you hear about where so-n-so's mailman's cousin got pregnant and offered her baby to a family.) You CAN adopt a healthy infant, just be prepared for it to be expensive and the wait to be long. (I really do have the gift of encouragement, I know.) These two elements are not red flags indicating you've misread your calling. They are simply reality.
On one side of the coin we have lists of waiting families. On the other side? Waiting children. And it's not as easy as 1+1=problem solved, unfortunately.
The need is children with special needs, children with medical needs, older children and sibling sets. Those groups comprise the majority of "the orphan crisis." And they need families. But more often than not, that's not what people are signing up for.
I get it. The unknown is SCARY. You've heard stories and seen TV shows about older foster kids. You see a family with a child with special needs and think, "They're amazing, I couldn't do that." And maybe you're right. But maybe you're not. If someone you knew and loved died suddenly in a car crash, leaving their 2 older kids to you, you'd figure it out, right? If you gave birth to a special needs child, you'd learn the ropes. You just would. I know it's not as simple as that, that both of these would be hard, life-changing even. But just because it's something you've never done, doesn't mean it's something you can't do.
These things are not impossible. They are just unknown.
If you're feeling "called" to adoption, I want you to know what you're getting into. I'm okay writing a post that leaves you feeling disappointed and heavy because this is not a decision that should be entered into lightly. There's so many kids coming from hard places, traumatic places, that need homes. We need people that are sober about this decision, people that are willing to get educated about their resources and support. I'm okay bursting your Christmas card bubble to help you get to the real stuff even though I know it's not what you want to hear.
In the name of speaking the truth in love, some of you are simply barking up the wrong tree. Your view is limited. There are treasures whose files come with a little extra paperwork. Files you wouldn't consider because your experience and familiarity is limited. They need families who are radically pursuing and fighting to call them son and daughter. Families that may not yet be equipped but are willing to become equipped.
If you've started the adoption conversations, I'm asking you to broaden those discussions. As always, if you need more input feel free to email me and if I can't offer you wisdom in a specific area, I know people who can.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
But I don't want to adopt! (Foster and Adoption Awareness Month Post)
Listen, people. Especially you christians. Just because it's foster/adoption awareness month DOES NOT MEAN you are called to adopt. It may absolutely not be right for you. Do not take all the articles and memes of sweet faces and bible verses to mean you're supposed to sign right up.
Are some of you supposed to? Yes. And if so, stop avoiding it and at least go to an informational meeting. But this post is not for you. This post is for those who are NOT supposed to adopt or foster.
Here's the thing: even if you're not supposed to be on the front lines, meeting the needs by opening your heart and home, you're still called to orphan care. You're not off the hook just because you don't have a home study. Orphan care is also not reserved for a short term missions trip once a year to an orphanage.
Want some ideas? First think of your giftings. What are your skills? Your resources? Those will be the most effective. I wish I could create an app where you plugged in all your resources and hit "go" and your phone sent you notifications when your skills or resources could be used locally. You'd be shocked how simple it is to help in tremendous ways. Some examples (most of these are practical ideas for people you know. I didn't get into the preventive stuff very much or international orphan care, FYI):
*Are you a photographer? Offer your skills and time to a local agency to see if they need updated pics of children. Offer minisessions to families bringing home new kiddos or to photograph their airport moment.
*Party or event planner? Offer to help an adoptive family with a fundraiser. Those are often outside their skill set and don't make as much money as they could.
*Own a shop or restaurant? Offer to run a fundraiser of your goods/services benefitting someone's adoption.
*Counselor or therapist? Offer your services to agencies who work with questioning birth moms, or children who've experienced trauma (obvs only if you're trained to do so...)
*Are you a handyman? Offer your services to foster homes.
*PT or chiropractor? Offer free adjustments to parents with new placements, carrying around new weight all the time.
*Love shopping? Offer to go shopping for a family with a new placement. For food, for clothes, for furniture, for toilet paper, whatever.
*Have a lawnmower? Offer to cut grass of families from your neighborhood or church who get new placements. Lawn care is the least of their problems when transitioning a new kid in. Or rake their leaves. or weed their garden.
*Mad cooking skills? Make meals for families with new placements. Not a cook? Buy gift cards to take-out places and give those instead.
*Have clothes or babygear your kids have grown out of? Donate to agencies or families adopting or our basement.
*Have lots of space in your basement? Build some shelves and start your own clothing resource. (This thing has taken off! We've given bags of clothes to almost 40 kids since February!)
*Know a family with a new kiddo that already had kids? Offer to take their other kids out for a night of fun. Sometimes the original crew needs a break. (When we had our foster placement, we were so overwhelmed we could barely think straight. My boss took Eliot to Target and out for dinner one night to give him a break. I still get weepy thinking about it, it meant so much to us.)
*Know how to buy gift cards? Families often spend ions of money with each new placement. Some children arrive with absolutely nothing. No one knows how to get the most out of a Target gift card like a foster mom...
*Know where the grocery store is? Offer to shop for the fam or just go buy regular stuff (fruit, snacks, ice cream, papertowels,etc.) and drop it off.
*Have experience with children with special needs? Offer whatever you can to a new mom! My friend Emily offered us a weighted blanket to try with one of our placements.
*Love throwing a party? Offer to host an adoption shower to a family with a new adoptive placement (especially an older child placement)
*Have some extra money? Sponsor a family who's adopting, donate to your church's Abba Fund or adoption fund, give to projects like Village of Hope. Give a family money to pay a sitter for a night out.
*Know a family in process or already have the placement? Offer to babysit. I'm betting they need a night out. If they're not comfortable leaving new kiddos, arrange separate nights out. A girls night for mom (wine bar? chick flick?) and a guys night for dad (sports bar? shooting range?)
*Get certified (super easy process) for respite care and then offer a weekend off to families you know with foster placements.
*Become a CASA volunteer.
*Offer a big brother/big sister type mentoring to a local foster agency for a waiting child.
*Have experience with adoption in the past? Offer to mentor a family starting the process.
This is obviously not an exhaustive list but hopefully it got your brain rolling on something you can offer. If you have any questions, as always, please email. I'm happy to help you brainstorm. Something as small as offering to keep the kids alive so a new mom can take a shower for 15 minutes or dropping off her favorite Starbucks can be just the break they need. Feel free to offer other ideas in the comments section!
Adoption and foster care can be lonely places, for everyone involved. Any way to alleviate the burden and elevate the joy is going to go miles for a family.
Are some of you supposed to? Yes. And if so, stop avoiding it and at least go to an informational meeting. But this post is not for you. This post is for those who are NOT supposed to adopt or foster.
Here's the thing: even if you're not supposed to be on the front lines, meeting the needs by opening your heart and home, you're still called to orphan care. You're not off the hook just because you don't have a home study. Orphan care is also not reserved for a short term missions trip once a year to an orphanage.
Want some ideas? First think of your giftings. What are your skills? Your resources? Those will be the most effective. I wish I could create an app where you plugged in all your resources and hit "go" and your phone sent you notifications when your skills or resources could be used locally. You'd be shocked how simple it is to help in tremendous ways. Some examples (most of these are practical ideas for people you know. I didn't get into the preventive stuff very much or international orphan care, FYI):
*Are you a photographer? Offer your skills and time to a local agency to see if they need updated pics of children. Offer minisessions to families bringing home new kiddos or to photograph their airport moment.
*Party or event planner? Offer to help an adoptive family with a fundraiser. Those are often outside their skill set and don't make as much money as they could.
*Own a shop or restaurant? Offer to run a fundraiser of your goods/services benefitting someone's adoption.
*Counselor or therapist? Offer your services to agencies who work with questioning birth moms, or children who've experienced trauma (obvs only if you're trained to do so...)
*Are you a handyman? Offer your services to foster homes.
*PT or chiropractor? Offer free adjustments to parents with new placements, carrying around new weight all the time.
*Love shopping? Offer to go shopping for a family with a new placement. For food, for clothes, for furniture, for toilet paper, whatever.
*Have a lawnmower? Offer to cut grass of families from your neighborhood or church who get new placements. Lawn care is the least of their problems when transitioning a new kid in. Or rake their leaves. or weed their garden.
*Mad cooking skills? Make meals for families with new placements. Not a cook? Buy gift cards to take-out places and give those instead.
*Have clothes or babygear your kids have grown out of? Donate to agencies or families adopting or our basement.
*Have lots of space in your basement? Build some shelves and start your own clothing resource. (This thing has taken off! We've given bags of clothes to almost 40 kids since February!)
*Know a family with a new kiddo that already had kids? Offer to take their other kids out for a night of fun. Sometimes the original crew needs a break. (When we had our foster placement, we were so overwhelmed we could barely think straight. My boss took Eliot to Target and out for dinner one night to give him a break. I still get weepy thinking about it, it meant so much to us.)
*Know how to buy gift cards? Families often spend ions of money with each new placement. Some children arrive with absolutely nothing. No one knows how to get the most out of a Target gift card like a foster mom...
*Know where the grocery store is? Offer to shop for the fam or just go buy regular stuff (fruit, snacks, ice cream, papertowels,etc.) and drop it off.
*Have experience with children with special needs? Offer whatever you can to a new mom! My friend Emily offered us a weighted blanket to try with one of our placements.
*Love throwing a party? Offer to host an adoption shower to a family with a new adoptive placement (especially an older child placement)
*Have some extra money? Sponsor a family who's adopting, donate to your church's Abba Fund or adoption fund, give to projects like Village of Hope. Give a family money to pay a sitter for a night out.
*Know a family in process or already have the placement? Offer to babysit. I'm betting they need a night out. If they're not comfortable leaving new kiddos, arrange separate nights out. A girls night for mom (wine bar? chick flick?) and a guys night for dad (sports bar? shooting range?)
*Get certified (super easy process) for respite care and then offer a weekend off to families you know with foster placements.
*Become a CASA volunteer.
*Offer a big brother/big sister type mentoring to a local foster agency for a waiting child.
*Have experience with adoption in the past? Offer to mentor a family starting the process.
This is obviously not an exhaustive list but hopefully it got your brain rolling on something you can offer. If you have any questions, as always, please email. I'm happy to help you brainstorm. Something as small as offering to keep the kids alive so a new mom can take a shower for 15 minutes or dropping off her favorite Starbucks can be just the break they need. Feel free to offer other ideas in the comments section!
Adoption and foster care can be lonely places, for everyone involved. Any way to alleviate the burden and elevate the joy is going to go miles for a family.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
What I've Learned From My Adoptive Community
(Pictured: a handful of Guatemamas I got to see this weekend. Not pictured: the rest of our foster/adoptive community here in STL and from Guate.)
* There's no land too far or stay too long, there's only longer tourism visas.
* There's no cost too high, there's only more grants, more fundraisers, more selling stuff you didn't need anyway.
* There's no confusion as to whose child this is, there's only attachment practices and fierce love.
* There's no such thing as re-homing. There's only more therapy, more doctors, more conferences, more reading, more loving. (and more wine.)
* There's no right way, no right answer, there's only prayer and support.
* There's no loneliness, there's only more phone calls, texts, and emails. There's only encouragement and support.
* There's no fake smiles, there's only tears and laughter and hugs.
* There's no judgement, there's only nodding of heads and similar stories and a new day tomorrow.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Hoarding vs. helping?
If you didn't happen to see it, "Clean basement/create foster resource" was listed on my resolutions for '13.
Here's the thing: we've lived in this apartment for over 4 years and instead of going through the items in the basement and being intentional with them, we've just sort of spread ourselves out and added more crap.
Our basement has lots of space. Our basement has lots of crap.
Or it did, I should say. I've been working a few hours a week down there. Throwing stuff away, adding to the very large donation pile in the corner, selling stuff on Craigslist, giving other stuff away.
I've had this on my to-do list for 4 years. But now I'm actually doing something about it. (that doesn't include throwing a lit match down there and running for it.)
One day it clicked. I could actually use my basement for good (a foster resource) instead of evil (hoarding).
Our church has a growing orphan care ministry that I'm blessed to be apart of. While we don't feel like we're supposed to foster in this season of life, we want to support those that can. Over the last few months I've encouraged moms of young kids to keep their stuff they would normally sell or give away and wait for someone to need it, thinking "If only we had a space we could house and organize it all..."
Captain Obvious reporting for duty!
That's been the magic motivation I needed. I've got plans. I've got dreams. Maybe this is my Space Jam...
NOW!
Here's where I help you, help me, help them!
I need your stuff! Have you and your fam decided you were "done"? Still have boxes of baby clothes?
I'll never forget January of 2011 when we were suddenly readying to adopt a newborn and didn't have anything for him. You guys rallied like no other. I still remember sitting in the nursery going through bags and bags of stuff people gave us and crying. (not because it was ugly, but because everyone was so generous. Just needed to clarify...)
This will *hopefully* be an on-going ministry. So, keep us in mind as you pack up stuff your kids are growing out of. Fo real.
Here's the thing: we've lived in this apartment for over 4 years and instead of going through the items in the basement and being intentional with them, we've just sort of spread ourselves out and added more crap.
Our basement has lots of space. Our basement has lots of crap.
Or it did, I should say. I've been working a few hours a week down there. Throwing stuff away, adding to the very large donation pile in the corner, selling stuff on Craigslist, giving other stuff away.
I've had this on my to-do list for 4 years. But now I'm actually doing something about it. (that doesn't include throwing a lit match down there and running for it.)
One day it clicked. I could actually use my basement for good (a foster resource) instead of evil (hoarding).
Our church has a growing orphan care ministry that I'm blessed to be apart of. While we don't feel like we're supposed to foster in this season of life, we want to support those that can. Over the last few months I've encouraged moms of young kids to keep their stuff they would normally sell or give away and wait for someone to need it, thinking "If only we had a space we could house and organize it all..."
Captain Obvious reporting for duty!
That's been the magic motivation I needed. I've got plans. I've got dreams. Maybe this is my Space Jam...
NOW!
Here's where I help you, help me, help them!
I need your stuff! Have you and your fam decided you were "done"? Still have boxes of baby clothes?
I'll never forget January of 2011 when we were suddenly readying to adopt a newborn and didn't have anything for him. You guys rallied like no other. I still remember sitting in the nursery going through bags and bags of stuff people gave us and crying. (not because it was ugly, but because everyone was so generous. Just needed to clarify...)
This will *hopefully* be an on-going ministry. So, keep us in mind as you pack up stuff your kids are growing out of. Fo real.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Another holiday tip (free of charge)(you're welcome)
Sometimes it takes a little more effort but try to be aware of the gifts you're giving and how they relate (or don't relate) to the gift receiver.
*
AKA: look for gifts that match the receivers race or ethnicity. It's easier now than it ever has been. Just takes a little extra thought and effort to grab one toy off the shelf vs. another.
*
*All actors were compensated** for their time.
**and by "compensated", I mean cups overflowing with goldfish crackers as previously agreed upon by this participant's actors guild.
AKA: look for gifts that match the receivers race or ethnicity. It's easier now than it ever has been. Just takes a little extra thought and effort to grab one toy off the shelf vs. another.
*All actors were compensated** for their time.
**and by "compensated", I mean cups overflowing with goldfish crackers as previously agreed upon by this participant's actors guild.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Orphan Sunday
Yesterday was the official "Orphan Sunday" and many of you who attend church saw videos like the one above or (hopefully) listened to a sermon/message on the topic.
Just wanted to extend myself on this as well. My email is katie l mohr at g mail. Thinking about it? Wondering how you can help? Want to contribute in a small way or finally ready to jump in with both feet, I'm happy to talk.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Warning
Don't read this link if you're in front of other people.
This is a great blog, a great series and an impactful letter to Santa...
This is a great blog, a great series and an impactful letter to Santa...
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Big D.
So, why would we get pics of a foster baby with Fresh Art? Cuz he's not really a foster baby in the true sense. If we were to update our status on FB, it would read, "It's complicated." He is a potential adoption that we have physical custody of already. I can't go into much more but wanted to give you a little more info than I have at this point.
We should know more in a few months. And until then, you can't see his cute little face. Or know his name. From hence forth he shall be known as Big D.
Is he ours? No, not yet. Are we pretty much acting as though he is? Yep. Doesn't do anybody any good not to, especially him. He needs to bond and attach to someone while this whole thing gets worked out and I just happen to be willing to chew on his face enough to make the bond happen.
So, what if we bond and attach and it doesn't work out? Not sure, to be honest. Not going there. No need to expect the worst.
And I promise if all goes as planned/prayed for/hoped for, I will spend several blog posts showing you the pics you've missed thus far. Cuz, holy crap, this kid is ridiculous. 100% worth the wait.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Spillin' the proverbial beans...
Peeps.
The couch?
Now, before you get all cray cray, he's a foster. Sort of.
Not talking deets, but we should know more in a few months.
More later, I'm wiped out.
The couch?
Now, before you get all cray cray, he's a foster. Sort of.
Not talking deets, but we should know more in a few months.
More later, I'm wiped out.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A good read..
My friend sent me this article. Read it. It's got some really good points.
Did you read it yet? If so, I can share a story with you that it reminded me of. I don't think I've ever shared it here.
When Lisa and I were training for a half-marathon long ago, like when people were still churning butter and so forth, we decided to take our long runs in downtown St. Louis since that's where the actual race would happen. One Saturday we took the race route which led us past a Planned Parenthood.
*deep breath*
There were picketers.
At this point in life, I was in the throes of fertility treatments and been disappointed month after month. No one in that crowd of picketers wanted those babies to be born more than me. Month after month, dollar after dollar to try and force life to be created with nothing to show for it.
The signs they held? I don't remember specifics but I do remember something about God hating you for making this choice, etc. I slowed down to read the signs and look at the graphic pictures attached to them. Then I looked the picketers in the face.
One couple caught my eye and smiled as though I was on their team.
So, I asked, "Are you guys Christians?" Their smiles got bigger and they said yes!
"Huh. We must serve different Gods, cuz my God doesn't use guilt and shame as His tools. Those are actually used by the enemy, but whatevs. So, then you guys are foster parents? Adoptive parents?"
They looked confused and said no.
"Hmm, interesting. So, where do you suggest all these babies go if their birth moms choose life but honestly can't take care of them?"
They didn't really have an answer so I just joined back up with Lisa and felt quite a surge of energy to run our last few miles. I had to get away from there before I said something else.
I have no idea what came over me that day. I don't think I've been so bold before that day or even since. Was it the best way to handle the situation? Probably not but we'll blame the extra hormones.
All that to say, as Mr. Locy states in his article, Christians should put up or shut up.
If you didn't yet, go read the article.
Did you read it yet? If so, I can share a story with you that it reminded me of. I don't think I've ever shared it here.
When Lisa and I were training for a half-marathon long ago, like when people were still churning butter and so forth, we decided to take our long runs in downtown St. Louis since that's where the actual race would happen. One Saturday we took the race route which led us past a Planned Parenthood.
*deep breath*
There were picketers.
At this point in life, I was in the throes of fertility treatments and been disappointed month after month. No one in that crowd of picketers wanted those babies to be born more than me. Month after month, dollar after dollar to try and force life to be created with nothing to show for it.
The signs they held? I don't remember specifics but I do remember something about God hating you for making this choice, etc. I slowed down to read the signs and look at the graphic pictures attached to them. Then I looked the picketers in the face.
One couple caught my eye and smiled as though I was on their team.
So, I asked, "Are you guys Christians?" Their smiles got bigger and they said yes!
"Huh. We must serve different Gods, cuz my God doesn't use guilt and shame as His tools. Those are actually used by the enemy, but whatevs. So, then you guys are foster parents? Adoptive parents?"
They looked confused and said no.
"Hmm, interesting. So, where do you suggest all these babies go if their birth moms choose life but honestly can't take care of them?"
They didn't really have an answer so I just joined back up with Lisa and felt quite a surge of energy to run our last few miles. I had to get away from there before I said something else.
I have no idea what came over me that day. I don't think I've been so bold before that day or even since. Was it the best way to handle the situation? Probably not but we'll blame the extra hormones.
All that to say, as Mr. Locy states in his article, Christians should put up or shut up.
If you didn't yet, go read the article.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The pot is being stirred...
I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything;
but still I can do something;
and because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
-Edward Everett Hale
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything;
but still I can do something;
and because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
-Edward Everett Hale
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Starting to breathe.
Tonight we dropped T-rex off with his grandparents.
Everyone cried, T was squealing and chirping and clapping. We stayed for a bit, sharing stories, answering questions. As we were saying our goodbyes, Eliot got pretty sad and said he was going to miss him so much. It was a really sweet moment. And then he tackled him. in front of the case worker. and the family. Uh...
It's quite a mixed bag of feelings. I told Russ tonight that I feel like there are layers and layers of things to process, a teeter-toter between relief and sadness.
I feel like I've been holding my breath for the last 7 weeks. As I process through each layer, I can breath a little deeper.
I'm excited for the changes that will come into T's life as this all shakes out, I'm thankful we made it through our first fostering experience, and I'm excited for how T changed the Mohr's.
And now I shall sleep. For days.
Everyone cried, T was squealing and chirping and clapping. We stayed for a bit, sharing stories, answering questions. As we were saying our goodbyes, Eliot got pretty sad and said he was going to miss him so much. It was a really sweet moment. And then he tackled him. in front of the case worker. and the family. Uh...
It's quite a mixed bag of feelings. I told Russ tonight that I feel like there are layers and layers of things to process, a teeter-toter between relief and sadness.
I feel like I've been holding my breath for the last 7 weeks. As I process through each layer, I can breath a little deeper.
I'm excited for the changes that will come into T's life as this all shakes out, I'm thankful we made it through our first fostering experience, and I'm excited for how T changed the Mohr's.
And now I shall sleep. For days.
Monday, November 8, 2010
llaF yppaH
This was an appropriate and oh-so-telling accident.
A struggle in taking on a high needs foster kid was putting everything on the back burner that wasn't absolutely necessary. Selfishly, I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to take advantage of my favorite time of the year. I'd envisioned capturing amazing photos, cute activities with Eliot, etc.
But this is what you get. Ha! One night was especially rough here at Camp Mohr so Russ told me to take a break. I thought I'd take my bit of "free time" and do a quick craft. The next day it had dried and I got it ready to hang it when I realized what I'd done. Didn't really have my head in the game, I suppose.
But I left it that way. It's still there. Backwards. Kind of a craft representation of this season for us. Endearing, quirky, backwards.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
2 week update
It's been 2 weeks since we've added to our family. How are we doing? um. I'm not sure how to answer that. We're better than we were a week and a half ago but not where I thought we'd be. There's a whole lot more processing than I anticipated. I don't want to candy-coat this, it's hard. It's really hard. On so many levels.
Let me back up though and answer some questions. 2 Thursdays ago we got an email from our licensing worker letting us know she spoke to a coworker about us who was attempting to place a little guy. We spent the afternoon emailing back and forth, made the decision to accept the placement, and then were put in touch with Baby T's case worker. Thursday evening we met them at the hospital (there are some medical issues), got instructions on some meds and left with a child we've never met before. He had no shoes and was wearing an outfit too small for him. (to be fair, no one thought he'd be leaving w/ strangers when they admitted him to the hospital...)
Over the last two weeks I've had to continually remind myself what his world must feel like. How holding him, changing his diaper, feeding him, playing with him, smiling at him, choosing patience with him, bathing him, singing to him, etc is a necessity if he's going to build trust in me. If we can't build that trust, we'll all be miserable until he's returned to his family. He's old enough that it's more complex than just basic needs. He knows something's up. He knows he doesn't know us. He continually tests us. It's not really love-at-first-sight when there's so much brokenness involved. He's scared, angry and sick.
Another aspect I hadn't thought of was the sacrifice we would make as a family of our regular lives until a new foster kid gets used to us. We really can't expect him to just jump into the pace we run on a regular basis. I know that may seem shallow considering what he's been through but it's hitting me harder than I'd like. Turns out I was pretty attached to all those things.
This isn't to discourage you if you were considering the foster system. This is for journaling's sake. This is for other foster moms who are struggling with the transition. This is for honesty. Do I wish/hope/believe that more of you should foster? Heck yes. The classes will prepare you but I don't want to give you any delusions about the reality.
1 Peter 1:6-7 "For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
I like that 'result'. I like that it's not the expectation at the beginning of the trial, but the end. One day at a time. One toddling step forward, two hundred time-outs backward, isn't that how the saying goes?
Let me back up though and answer some questions. 2 Thursdays ago we got an email from our licensing worker letting us know she spoke to a coworker about us who was attempting to place a little guy. We spent the afternoon emailing back and forth, made the decision to accept the placement, and then were put in touch with Baby T's case worker. Thursday evening we met them at the hospital (there are some medical issues), got instructions on some meds and left with a child we've never met before. He had no shoes and was wearing an outfit too small for him. (to be fair, no one thought he'd be leaving w/ strangers when they admitted him to the hospital...)
Over the last two weeks I've had to continually remind myself what his world must feel like. How holding him, changing his diaper, feeding him, playing with him, smiling at him, choosing patience with him, bathing him, singing to him, etc is a necessity if he's going to build trust in me. If we can't build that trust, we'll all be miserable until he's returned to his family. He's old enough that it's more complex than just basic needs. He knows something's up. He knows he doesn't know us. He continually tests us. It's not really love-at-first-sight when there's so much brokenness involved. He's scared, angry and sick.
Another aspect I hadn't thought of was the sacrifice we would make as a family of our regular lives until a new foster kid gets used to us. We really can't expect him to just jump into the pace we run on a regular basis. I know that may seem shallow considering what he's been through but it's hitting me harder than I'd like. Turns out I was pretty attached to all those things.
This isn't to discourage you if you were considering the foster system. This is for journaling's sake. This is for other foster moms who are struggling with the transition. This is for honesty. Do I wish/hope/believe that more of you should foster? Heck yes. The classes will prepare you but I don't want to give you any delusions about the reality.
1 Peter 1:6-7 "For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
I like that 'result'. I like that it's not the expectation at the beginning of the trial, but the end. One day at a time. One toddling step forward, two hundred time-outs backward, isn't that how the saying goes?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Some catchy title that makes you want to read the whole thing.
Warning: if you've ever pondered adoption, this video will only push you over the edge:
Back in May on our flight to Dallas to pick up our Baylor girls to take to Guate, Eliot and I were in a row with a stranger while Russ and his iPod were sitting kitty corner across aisle. (read into that, honey, go ahead.) The stranger, S, was a very kind Dallas local returning from a business trip.
We started the normal chit chat:
S: "Do you live in Dallas or are you on a trip?"
Me: blah blah stopping overnight on our way to Guatemala
S: "Oh! Wow! Guatemala? for vacation?"
Me: "Oh, haha, no. We're meeting a team and leading a mission trip."
S: "What will you do there?"
Me: blah blah mission trip stuff blah blah
S: "Wow. How did you get started with that?"
Me: blah blah, eliot, blah blah, adoption
S: "So, you've been to Guatemala before?"
Me: blah blah lived there with Eliot for 8 months to finish the adoption, blah
S: "Wait...what?"
Me: repeat story
S: silence. Looks away.
Few minutes pass
S: "Is that a tattoo?"
Me: "Yeah!"
S: "What does it say?"
Me: blah blah beloved is mine, blah, husband (guy with the iPod and no goldfish) has other half, blah.
S: "Hmph. Wow."
Few minutes pass
S: "So, do you think you'll adopt again?"
Me: "Well, Guate is closed right now but we recently became foster parents so we'll start getting domestic kids soon. We won't be adopting most of them, just fostering them, of course."
S: silence. staring at me. full eye contact.
Me: starting to get awkward. act like eliot needs something.
S: still staring.
Few minutes pass.
S: "Why do you do it?"
Me: "Do what?"
S: "All of it, why do you do all of it?"
Me: stumped silence. ramble about something that doesn't really answer the question.
I didn't have an answer. There's a million reasons but I couldn't pick the one that was truly the answer. (In)fertility? Sort of. Call to serve God in the city? Kinda. Feel called? I guess. For each story shared I had a different answer as to the reason but this guy strung them all together and wanted to know the motivation. Tattoo? I love Russ. Mission trip? We love Guatemala. Fostering? We love the city, kids, etc.
Bottom line? The reason we do all of it/any of it? We are loved. We are pursued passionately by God more than we imagine.
It's not like we wake up each day and declare "God loves us so we should go serve Him today!" and then find ourselves in all kinds of wacky adventures, but it does mean that we have passions for the things He's passionate about. Not because we're awesome or cool or better or holy, in fact we're pretty messed up. But we have made a decision as a family to be available.
This topic has been in my thoughts about 95% of the time in the last week. Part of that is because I'm in over my head with Baby T, but part of it is the blog world. There was an amazing conference in Austin last weekend and the blog world is exploding with posts. I'm posting a few of my favorites. Check them out, bookmark them, whatevs, just make sure you read them.
This post about christians and adoption.
This post about why she chose to adopt when all was comfortable.
This post is a letter to foster parents.
This post got me all fired up. Like only a peppermint mocha followed by a Mountain Dew can do. Oh my. Good luck.
Isaiah's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.
Back in May on our flight to Dallas to pick up our Baylor girls to take to Guate, Eliot and I were in a row with a stranger while Russ and his iPod were sitting kitty corner across aisle. (read into that, honey, go ahead.) The stranger, S, was a very kind Dallas local returning from a business trip.
We started the normal chit chat:
S: "Do you live in Dallas or are you on a trip?"
Me: blah blah stopping overnight on our way to Guatemala
S: "Oh! Wow! Guatemala? for vacation?"
Me: "Oh, haha, no. We're meeting a team and leading a mission trip."
S: "What will you do there?"
Me: blah blah mission trip stuff blah blah
S: "Wow. How did you get started with that?"
Me: blah blah, eliot, blah blah, adoption
S: "So, you've been to Guatemala before?"
Me: blah blah lived there with Eliot for 8 months to finish the adoption, blah
S: "Wait...what?"
Me: repeat story
S: silence. Looks away.
Few minutes pass
S: "Is that a tattoo?"
Me: "Yeah!"
S: "What does it say?"
Me: blah blah beloved is mine, blah, husband (guy with the iPod and no goldfish) has other half, blah.
S: "Hmph. Wow."
Few minutes pass
S: "So, do you think you'll adopt again?"
Me: "Well, Guate is closed right now but we recently became foster parents so we'll start getting domestic kids soon. We won't be adopting most of them, just fostering them, of course."
S: silence. staring at me. full eye contact.
Me: starting to get awkward. act like eliot needs something.
S: still staring.
Few minutes pass.
S: "Why do you do it?"
Me: "Do what?"
S: "All of it, why do you do all of it?"
Me: stumped silence. ramble about something that doesn't really answer the question.
I didn't have an answer. There's a million reasons but I couldn't pick the one that was truly the answer. (In)fertility? Sort of. Call to serve God in the city? Kinda. Feel called? I guess. For each story shared I had a different answer as to the reason but this guy strung them all together and wanted to know the motivation. Tattoo? I love Russ. Mission trip? We love Guatemala. Fostering? We love the city, kids, etc.
Bottom line? The reason we do all of it/any of it? We are loved. We are pursued passionately by God more than we imagine.
It's not like we wake up each day and declare "God loves us so we should go serve Him today!" and then find ourselves in all kinds of wacky adventures, but it does mean that we have passions for the things He's passionate about. Not because we're awesome or cool or better or holy, in fact we're pretty messed up. But we have made a decision as a family to be available.
This topic has been in my thoughts about 95% of the time in the last week. Part of that is because I'm in over my head with Baby T, but part of it is the blog world. There was an amazing conference in Austin last weekend and the blog world is exploding with posts. I'm posting a few of my favorites. Check them out, bookmark them, whatevs, just make sure you read them.
This post about christians and adoption.
This post about why she chose to adopt when all was comfortable.
This post is a letter to foster parents.
This post got me all fired up. Like only a peppermint mocha followed by a Mountain Dew can do. Oh my. Good luck.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Discoveries.
Fostering.
We were trained. We heard stories. We prepared a room and gathered supplies.
From the moment we got the call to 48 hours later, I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. This has turned our world upside down. On so many levels.
We're 5 days in to our first fostering experience now. The outcome is far from being determined. Progress has been made with Baby T, but there's still a road ahead of us.
The last few days has revealed a lot to me about me. About Russ and E-man. About our friends and support network. I've discovered I'm weaker than I thought, more prideful, lazier and more selfish. I've discovered even more so what incredible hearts Russ and Eliot have. I've discovered how quickly I've become protective over a child I've barely met. I've discovered how very unorganized we are and that "baby-proofing" a house means very different things with different babies. I've discovered how very little I know about parenting and yet how well the trainings prepared us. I've discovered how unwavering the support network is for foster parents, how amazing this community is. It's taken me a few days but I've discovered that my world getting turned upside down is nothing in comparison to the tornado of confusion and fear Baby T must feel.
I want to be honest about this for a couple reasons. I want to remember this first run. I want other new foster parents to know that we certainly didn't/don't have it all together and that if they get overwhelmed, that's okay. I read several other fostering blogs and most of them have been around the bend a few times. I expected to react like they seem to from the get-go. But I just didn't.
All that to say, we're rallying. Russ and Eliot started rallying .4 seconds into the process it seems, but it took me a little longer. And that's okay. Baby T and I are taking 2 steps forward with plans to take more.
We were trained. We heard stories. We prepared a room and gathered supplies.
From the moment we got the call to 48 hours later, I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. This has turned our world upside down. On so many levels.
We're 5 days in to our first fostering experience now. The outcome is far from being determined. Progress has been made with Baby T, but there's still a road ahead of us.
The last few days has revealed a lot to me about me. About Russ and E-man. About our friends and support network. I've discovered I'm weaker than I thought, more prideful, lazier and more selfish. I've discovered even more so what incredible hearts Russ and Eliot have. I've discovered how quickly I've become protective over a child I've barely met. I've discovered how very unorganized we are and that "baby-proofing" a house means very different things with different babies. I've discovered how very little I know about parenting and yet how well the trainings prepared us. I've discovered how unwavering the support network is for foster parents, how amazing this community is. It's taken me a few days but I've discovered that my world getting turned upside down is nothing in comparison to the tornado of confusion and fear Baby T must feel.
I want to be honest about this for a couple reasons. I want to remember this first run. I want other new foster parents to know that we certainly didn't/don't have it all together and that if they get overwhelmed, that's okay. I read several other fostering blogs and most of them have been around the bend a few times. I expected to react like they seem to from the get-go. But I just didn't.
All that to say, we're rallying. Russ and Eliot started rallying .4 seconds into the process it seems, but it took me a little longer. And that's okay. Baby T and I are taking 2 steps forward with plans to take more.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Busy.
We keep running into friends out in public and they seem to be confused unless they happen to catch the news on the good ol' book of face.
We got our first foster placement. I will explain more at another time but it doesn't look to be anything permanent.
It sounds exciting but remember what had to happen in order for this to be the case. Something went wrong in someone's family. This isn't necessarily a good, shiny happy part of the story.
Speaking of, we won't be sharing his story. For multiple reasons but mainly because it's his story, not ours.
Pray for him, for his family, for us as we all transition.
And know that my husband is the greatest foster dad ever. ever.
We got our first foster placement. I will explain more at another time but it doesn't look to be anything permanent.
It sounds exciting but remember what had to happen in order for this to be the case. Something went wrong in someone's family. This isn't necessarily a good, shiny happy part of the story.
Speaking of, we won't be sharing his story. For multiple reasons but mainly because it's his story, not ours.
Pray for him, for his family, for us as we all transition.
And know that my husband is the greatest foster dad ever. ever.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Each
Let me preface this cute video with the fact that I know nothing about the company who created it. I don't support or not support them. I don't encourage you to give them money or withhold money from them. I just really liked the video. I don't know if they really care about kids finding their right place or if they use this as a front to use your money to buy baby bunnies to make coats with. You get it, right? I know nothing about them. Not a thing except they made a cute video.
And on that note, I wanted to encourage you guys not to worry about us not getting a phone call yet. Though we've been working on becoming foster parents since the beginning of the new year, we haven't been on "The List" for even 8 weeks yet. Also, our window is pretty small with what we said we're willing to take. If we changed our minds on what's right for our family, we'd have a kid by 5pm. Feel free to ask me questions about that if you're confused. And thank you for caring, for being worried, and for asking. I dare say we've gotten somewhat used to the waiting game. Now, if we still haven't heard anything in a few months, I may not be able to claim that. One day at a time, right? And today, we're okay.
Eliot is at such a great stage that we're soaking up every minute with him while we wait. We could get a call tomorrow for a child that stays w/ our family forever so we're just trying to appreciate this season w/ the 3 of us for what it is.
Each Campaign from The Loud Cloud on Vimeo.
And on that note, I wanted to encourage you guys not to worry about us not getting a phone call yet. Though we've been working on becoming foster parents since the beginning of the new year, we haven't been on "The List" for even 8 weeks yet. Also, our window is pretty small with what we said we're willing to take. If we changed our minds on what's right for our family, we'd have a kid by 5pm. Feel free to ask me questions about that if you're confused. And thank you for caring, for being worried, and for asking. I dare say we've gotten somewhat used to the waiting game. Now, if we still haven't heard anything in a few months, I may not be able to claim that. One day at a time, right? And today, we're okay.
Eliot is at such a great stage that we're soaking up every minute with him while we wait. We could get a call tomorrow for a child that stays w/ our family forever so we're just trying to appreciate this season w/ the 3 of us for what it is.
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