Tuesday, April 3, 2007
So, today while putting Eliot to sleep for a nap, my mind was at the place of disbelief that Easter is this week and I'm still in Guatemala. I can remember the day that I booked my ticket to come down last November. I remember thinking, "I'm really doing this!". I also remember telling people that day that I finally booked my ticket and the common response was, "Well, how long do you think you'll be there?" and my response was primarily "as long as it takes" and quickly followed by "hopefully we'll be home before Christmas." I must have meant Christmas of 07! =)
The most common question I get now is "How are you doing?" (not in a Joey Tribioni sort of way...). That is a tricky question for me. Most days I'm great! I'm w/ Eliot. I'm not only w/ him but he knows me as mom. I've surrounded myself w/ good friends here and keep in pretty good contact w/ home through emailing and even webcaming to see the dogs and Russ! However, I can honestly say that this has been the hardest experience of my life. It's hard to follow up years of rough infertility w/ a "troubled adoption" as we're called. I have never had my faith tested to this degree before. I have learned that at this point, my faith is too weak to fully trust the Lord at all times and too strong to ignore His soverienty. That's a tricky place to be when you're trying to survive motherhood for the first time, not to mention in a developing country. God is doing a powerful thing and I'm not even sure to what degree. There's some crazy reason that this is all happening that makes 100% sense to the Lord and some day it will to me too. While Eliot and I sit in this somewhat-tropical waiting room, I feel as though I get to flip through some magazine full of blessings in my 'real' life. I can say that this experience has grown my marriage, my friendships in the states, created new friendships, bonded Eliot and I, and stretched my faith.
Some of you know the verse in the Psalms that reads, "you knit me together in my mother's womb." Since meeting Eliot back in July, that verse has stuck out in my head. Obviously, Eliot wasn't knit in my womb but I know the Lord was knitting him together in my heart. Other than the ridiculously beautiful skin, he's a Mohr through and through. It's also quite sweet that Eliot has a birthmark in the shape of a heart on his jawline (see above pic). It's a cute little visual reminder to me of how the Lord created him so perfectly to fit into our family.