Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Mi Corazon

So, today while putting Eliot to sleep for a nap, my mind was at the place of disbelief that Easter is this week and I'm still in Guatemala. I can remember the day that I booked my ticket to come down last November. I remember thinking, "I'm really doing this!". I also remember telling people that day that I finally booked my ticket and the common response was, "Well, how long do you think you'll be there?" and my response was primarily "as long as it takes" and quickly followed by "hopefully we'll be home before Christmas." I must have meant Christmas of 07! =)

The most common question I get now is "How are you doing?" (not in a Joey Tribioni sort of way...). That is a tricky question for me. Most days I'm great! I'm w/ Eliot. I'm not only w/ him but he knows me as mom. I've surrounded myself w/ good friends here and keep in pretty good contact w/ home through emailing and even webcaming to see the dogs and Russ! However, I can honestly say that this has been the hardest experience of my life. It's hard to follow up years of rough infertility w/ a "troubled adoption" as we're called. I have never had my faith tested to this degree before. I have learned that at this point, my faith is too weak to fully trust the Lord at all times and too strong to ignore His soverienty. That's a tricky place to be when you're trying to survive motherhood for the first time, not to mention in a developing country. God is doing a powerful thing and I'm not even sure to what degree. There's some crazy reason that this is all happening that makes 100% sense to the Lord and some day it will to me too. While Eliot and I sit in this somewhat-tropical waiting room, I feel as though I get to flip through some magazine full of blessings in my 'real' life. I can say that this experience has grown my marriage, my friendships in the states, created new friendships, bonded Eliot and I, and stretched my faith.

Some of you know the verse in the Psalms that reads, "you knit me together in my mother's womb." Since meeting Eliot back in July, that verse has stuck out in my head. Obviously, Eliot wasn't knit in my womb but I know the Lord was knitting him together in my heart. Other than the ridiculously beautiful skin, he's a Mohr through and through. It's also quite sweet that Eliot has a birthmark in the shape of a heart on his jawline (see above pic). It's a cute little visual reminder to me of how the Lord created him so perfectly to fit into our family.


Anonymous said...

what a cute family picture...I'm so glad the three of you are together right now!!

Deb said...

God is doing some amazing things in your life Katie. You can see it in your writings. I love Psalm 119. It is the passage that God placed on my heart when we adopted Sara. What a profound realization it was for me to know that God knew Sara in such an intimate way before I even got to meet her. My love and respect for you grows daily as you walk through this time! I have added your blog link to my blog so others will be blessed by your story. We love you guys!!

Anonymous said...

Katie -- what a wonderful site!!!! We are praying for you earnestly, every day. It has to be tough some days, and it has to be so rewarding, all at the same time. I love you -- and your son is absolutely beautiful!! -- Aunt Pam

Anonymous said...

Hi Katie...You don't know me, but I (and my husband Chris) know your husband and his family from LoveQuest youth camps that our churches did together over 10 years ago! Amanda sent a link to your blog over the church prayer request email and I've been keeping up a little with you guys. Anyway....What a wonderful site you have here! I must admit I was not expecting to be so blessed reading your entries! But today I came across this one that completely touched my heart and I had to share with you. I too have been going thru a rough period the last few months that has been testing my faith to a degree I have ever known as well. I was touched by your entry about being "too weak to fully trust the Lord at ALL times and too strong to ignore His sovereignty." I feel that constantly, feeling at one moment that i'm not sure how much more I can take, and yet still knowing better that God will not forsake me, and has things working in HIS sights that I cannot see yet. Also being reminded a lot that somehow things could still be worse, and to remember the blessings He's given us, and to focus on what really matters in this life. Thank you for reminding me! And thank you so much for sharing your experience -joys and pains and all. I am a stay-at-home mom of a 2-year-old (Heath) and I respect so much what you're doing down there by yourself. It's hard work being a mom! And harder doing it on your own! But we trust and pray that that will not be for long! From what you've shared, you sound like any other mom sharing the love and wonder of their own biological child...so we know definitely that God knitted him together in your heart! I hope to meet you face to face one of these days soon when you visit OKC with your new family! Tell Russ that Chris and Kristi Daughtrey say hi,if he remembers us! Thanks again for sharing, you are being a blessing that you aren't even aware of! Love in Him, Kristi Daughtrey...email ckdaughtrey@yahoo.com