Friday, April 27, 2007

red shoes

Well, yesterday I got a chance to go into the city w/ a couple of other moms. We went to PriceSmart, a guatemalan chain owned by Sams/Walmart. Strangely, it was the most I've felt like home since I've been here. It was so encouraging to see Eliot sitting in a shopping cart as I tool through the store looking at brands from home. Then just outside the store, there was a Payless. I happen to be in that odd place in life where seeing a Payless Shoe Store is like having coffee w/ an old friend from high school. To celebrate feeling normal, I bought a pair of bright red flats.

Upon coming home, I got the news that our case got another previo. A quick review: previo means kick-out. This is bad, very bad. It means the Guatemalan government finds something unsatisfiying about our paperwork. This brings our total to 7. Most cases receive 1-2 if any at all. We're pretty sure we now hold the record. Russ and I are asking a million questions of our agency and our lawyer but there's only so much that will do. They are hoping to be able to get us back into PGN early next week but after that the average wait to hear anything is 4-8 weeks. Our hope of getting Eliot home before his birthday seems like a joke.

So, how do people deal w/ devasting news when there's a baby to take care of? Can I lay in bed all day and mope? Yeah right. Can I grasp at retail therapy? Not when there's formula and diapers to buy and a limited budget. Can I yell and throw things? Not when there's a sleeping baby in the same room. Oddly, I put on my red shoes and cry. A lot. Can I at least pretend this isn't happening and that I'll be putting Eliot in a shopping cart at the Sam's behind my house like it's a day of running errands?

This seems to be a never ending cycle. Kickout, followed by a fixed file returned to PGN, the reviewer on our case is hopeful and pushes it through, the lawer and facilitator get hopeful and tell us that things look good, I send home half of my things in anticipation that I won't need them because I'm coming home, I buy a huge pack of diapers thinking that this will probably be the last pack I buy in Guatemala, I dress cute each morning assuming that I'll get a special call today and pictures will be taken, and then the unthinkable happens.

This one seems to especially sting for the fact that major milestones are in line for Eliot. The milestones will still happen, just in Guatemala and probably w/o Russ. How do people do this?

On that note, by the way, those of you around Russ, please allow him some space at this time. It's easy for me to take space being that I live in Central America but Russ doesn't have that. He is busy w/ his band right now, which is a blessing. However, he will be back in STL soon.

One comfort is my suite mate, Sharon. Her case is still worse than mine, surprisingly. To hear her story go to http://txparamedic.spaces.live.com/. While the majority of our friends will be gone within the month, Sharon and Bella will still be here. Chances are high that they'll be here when we leave, even. Please send encouragments her way if you stop by her site. She thinks I'm having a Dorothy complex w/ the red shoes but she made me french toast for breakfast anyway.

"What can we do?" is the question asked the most at this point. We'll let you know soon, after we gather our thoughts and finish processing what this means for our lives.

11 comments:

heather said...

Oh Katie! How terribly frustrating this is for you and your loved ones. And I can only imagine that "terribly frustrating" is a complete understatement!
I know I don't really know you or your family, but I hope it helps in some small way to know our prayers are added to the many that surround you and Eliot and Russ daily. Especially days like yesterday.

kellie said...

Katie, I know that saying how sorry I am to hear that sounds so inadequate, but I am. I am so amazed at the strength you and Russ have shown through all of this. And I know that when you are holding that little man and he is all yours it will all be worth it. You are earning so many jewels in your crown! Reading your story about shoe shopping made me think about our many trips card shopping. I miss you and I pray for you often!

K.M. Laughlin said...

Katie,
We will keep you all in our prayers....I wish I was there to give you a big Arbonne hug! NTC next year...Atlanta and we are expanding to Australia! You will be home soon with Eliot!!!!!! I miss you and will continue thinking of you, Russ, and Eliot daily.

Kristi Daughtrey said...

Katie - my heart hurts for you. I don't even know you, or even begin to understand your circumstance - and yet my heart just aches for you. Maybe because I understand the pain of dashed hopes...when you've raised your hope & expectations high in faith, just for them to be shot down. Again. It's devastating. It shakes your faith down to its very core. It's at this point when you know absolutely nothing else to do except hold on for dear life to that faith. Life's path sometimes brings us to some rocky, trecherous terrain. It's rough, but we manage it at first. Then it gets dark. You can't see. You begin to fall on the jagged rocks...you're bloody and hurting. You sit down in the dark, hurt, alone,and scared. Then you cry out to God. Suddenly He reminds you of a tiny key ring light in your pocket. It's not much, & you can't see far, but it's just enough light to get you a few steps at a time. Slowly you make your way over the rocks again...you may fall a few more times, but you get up,brush yourself off & keep going, hopeful again that you might just make it. Gradually the terrain smooths out a bit, and then you look around & realize that a new day is dawning. God has brought you thru the night! It was long, hard & painful -and you may have a few scars. But those scars will remind you the next night that He will bring the Daylight again. "Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." -Psalm 119:105 (Basically all of Ps.119!) Gal. 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we WILL reap a harvest, if we do not give up. Habakkuk 2:3 "This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and IT WILL BE FULFILLED. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place." Our prayers are with you all...Kristi & Chris Daughtrey

jtkowalchick said...

Katie, we have only emailed a couple of times but I was slack jaw when I read your post tonight. I don't know what else to say other than you truly are amazing and will continue to be to get through this. We are "moving in" on Monday to wait out the rest of our process so I hope we meet soon. Hang in there we are praying for you, Russ and Eliot!

Ferris Family said...

Kaite, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. To miss "firsts" and milestones without the complete family is so hard. You and Eliot are in our prayers. Russ, I'm so sorry that you are seperated from your amazing wife and perfect son, you are being upheld as well! We will pray for a quick refile and a fast reunion for your family.

csims said...

I'm crying with you

Megan said...

Oh Katie...

I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm praying...

Megan

Jenna said...

Hey Lady, I want to write you to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine the struggles that you face everyday. I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing that I am sending out a prayer for you, Russ and Eliot. My heart aches for you all.

Sheri said...

My dear friend --
I can't begin to understand what you are going through. I know it seems as if home is far away, but someday you will look back on this time in Central America and you will be able to show Eliot how much you love him by sharing with him his story and the decisions you and Russ made -- all because you chose him to be yours. You are in my heart girl. I love you, and I'm crying with you, friend.

Aunt Pam Brannon said...

SOOOOO so sorry to hear this news. Nothing anyone can say from back here can help much, I know. We are crying with you, and praying furiously for you. In the end, we pray it will all be somehow worth it...

We love you!!