Thursday, February 19, 2015

"I thought you wanted to adopt a girl?"

The fact that I, as a 38 year old responsible adult, have not one, but two tutus would confirm this very thing. (One custom made by a designer in New York, I might add. Because that's how adults get their tutus.)(Hi Sal!)
We've had our adoption license open with the state for a year now and we've gotten several profiles of waiting children sent to our inbox. Some individuals, some sibling sets. Some boys, some girls.

As we've read through the profiles with girl(s) included, I've noticed a wave of "mom of a daughter" fantasies. That's a thing apparently. I find myself having to reread the paragraph I just read because all the sudden I'm braiding hair while we watch Anne of Green Gables with muffins in the oven and her nails are freshly painted. I can't remember what I just read about her medical history because we were just heading to a "Girls on the Run" practice after we left the house rolling our eyes at the silly frat house we just escaped. And by the end of the profile (that I'm not really reading) I'm meeting her for coffee on her college campus and you guys! You should see her outfit. Doctors aren't supposed to be that fashionable.

At one point Russ and I decided we would only put our names in for girls or sibling sets with girls. It was that important to me. But then I realized a few things.

First? I only have boys right now. And I'm completely fulfilled as a mom. Even if we never add to our family again, boys or girls, I'm over the moon for my kids. Borderline obsessed, actually.

Second, and most important, when did I make this adoption about me? That's not why we got into this. That's not why we busted through so much paper work and so many home visits. If we're really doing this to give a child a family, then that's it. No addendums. It's not "We love (adopting girls) because He first loved us." Not to mention how our priorities have shifted once we read these stories and saw these faces. All the sudden, things I valued don't matter so much anymore. Reading through the profiles became a question of "Can we meet their needs?" vs "Can they meet my needs?"

Don't hear what I'm not saying. Off the top of the head I can think of at least three families who had biological kids of all one gender who then adopted the opposite gender. People feel called to specific things all the time. But that's not what this is for me, for us. My "mom fantasies" are just that. My daydreams don't equal my "calling."

Yes, being a mom of a girl would be SO FUN! But that's also how I felt about that perm in 2002. I don't know if the team will choose our family for these two boys next month or if another family would meet their needs better, opening our home to other waiting children. But if they are God's next step for our family, then I'm guessing I'll have everything I need.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Mohr, party of 6?

Russ texted me from Home Depot, "How many hooks should I buy for the boy's bike helmets?"

I froze. This felt weightier than it probably sounds.

Two? or Four?

Friends, about a month ago we submitted our home study for a sibling set of two boys.

Im'ma let that sink in.

2 + 2? =FOUR BOYS. Plus the tall one.

We've submitted our home study a few times over the past 9 months for different kiddos and it didn't work out for one reason or another. We've never made it to the "staffing*." But this time we have.

But so have two other families.

We can't give a whole lotta details, just pray vaguely for "next month" that "some kids" would be placed in the right home. (not necessarily ours, see below) Feel free to ask questions about the process and we'll answer them as best we can. Feel free to not ask questions about the kids, ha!

{*Staffing (from a blog post last January): The team (any where from 8-12 people) narrows it down to three families and hosts a "Staffing". A "staffing" is a meeting where they look at the specific child and his/her needs and decide as a team which family would best fit that child based on the interviews of those families, ranking them 1,2,3. Birth families are not involved at this point. We could be interviewed for staffings for months or even years and still not get picked. And that's okay.

Please understand this process through the state is child-centered, as it should be. If we don't get picked, it's not our opportunity to be offended. No matter how you view us, we may not be the right fit for a child, whereas another family may be. We want the team to be critical about these decisions, as it's in everyone's best interest, especially the child.}

So, yeah, four boys.